1 post tagged “ego”
I had to keep myself in check a little bit this evening as I sat listening to the commentary made in a brief meeting. I took it as a personal judgment that I was disorganized or unable to successfully plan something in advance without instructions. My frustrations were building primarily because we all shared similar frustrations. The ego has no place in consultation. In the end it really didn't matter whether or not I already sent out an email outlining issues we should talk about or whether any comments were directed at me in the first place. What did matter was focusing on the task at hand, which was teaching a children's class. It went well with extra help from some special guests. I'm trying to build my confidence in being 'in-charge' of something. If my fears or complacency had its way I'd always choose to be someone's behind the scenes gal. But I had support and was more than happy to take some pointers. I do think we all have different capacities or different "jobs" we can naturally develop & share with others, but maybe the point isn't so much doing something extraordinarily well rather than doing some thing with God. I went home in a daze for some reason as if I wasn't really present the whole time. Learning to work with children seems to be my life for the next little while.
I started to clean my room this morning and I filtered through some old journals, which seems to be a ritual for me. I was interested in the dreams I wrote down a number of years ago. Many of them centered around this guy you could say I had an obsession with. Over the years my dreams involving him turned into something a little more nightmarish as my doubts and fears took over my psyche. Although looking back, the experience seemed quite over the top, it makes me more appreciative for detachment. Two years of faux relationship non sense. During these times you pull out detachment in times of materialism & humility when you think it's ALL about you.
Sometimes my ego be trippin', but that's OK.
As long as I keep striving maybe one day I'll look back & laugh.
