I'm a week into house sitting. It's almost the weekend and soon I'll be back to my 'regular' routine. Because I don't have a bike and it takes a lot of transfers to get over to my part of town, I've been hanging out a lot with the dog as well as myself. The past few days I've found myself sulking as I've thought about different parts of my life. A lot of it has been to do with relationships. & I mean this in the general sense, my relationship to the things that are going on, with others, relationships that may need to be reconciled or let go. Preparation for Haifa has so far been less about giving away physical things, and more about cleaning out mental blocks that have accrued over the years. I want to leave here with as little baggage as possible. Some things are already starting to feel complete as I start to receive sincere smiles, goodbyes, and inquiries about what's next. It's coming together, I just pray for detachment and the ability to receive the next part of the journey with an empty cup.
It's midnight and the bird clock in the kitchen calls twelve times. The picture indicates that it's the sound of a House Finch. I lay awkwardly on the couch by the front porch windows of an old house, one of the optimal positions for finding a working Wi-Fi connection. I have another 8 days of housesitting and during that time I'll have walked the dog many times, bused between here and my apartment another several, hot and dulled by the repetitive long trip across town. This place reminds me of my grandma's house in Ohio. It's probably the smell of dark wood, the creaking steps, carpets and little perfumed soaps that produces memories. I don't know if I'll get to see her before I move to Israel in less than two months. My schedule keeps getting more and more packed as time moves on. I'm trying to experience a variety of things before I go, which I'm doing well at accomplishing, but sometimes the schedules & the time constraints are maddening.
Friday was finally the last day of school for the kids. That means my Americorps position as I knew it, is over. I'm so close, but there's still hours left to finish & so I don't exactly feel the turning of a new era just yet. It was about time though, for this first year charter school to have a vacation. All of us are kind of burned out and ready to move on. This year was hard, yet rewarding. I'm having a hard time formulating what those advantages and disadvantages are at the moment, but over time, when my mind turns to reflect on the things that have transpired in the summer months, I will have a clearer picture.
This morning I ran into someone at the Dunn Bros who worked at the school periodically as a tech guy. We talked a little about our jobs, the busyness of life and nitpicked about education. It was good to interact with at least one co worker outside of the job, albeit an accidental interaction between two people who are primarily employed through separate companies. Life is full, and now it's getting late. Tomorrow I return to back to back obligations so I need to get everything in order....
It started with being influenced by another transient friend of mine, an implant from the West Coast who didn't stick closely to schedules and valued spontaneous exploration. His love for the new helped me to try and embrace it myself, as I occasionally tried to challenge him to new places to explore myself. & now...now I find myself that much closer to being uprooted myself. In the meantime I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with my beloved friends and being as carefree as I can while still remembering I have to work full-time and pack and get my life in order so I can move feeling relatively confident the little things are taken care of.
I think Minneapolis is changing a little. Faces are being refreshed with both old and new blood. The landscape is more alive as Spring transitions into Summer. People move and refocus. We're being challenged to grow spiritually and spread it to others. I can safely say that things are good.
I'm trying my best to stay awake and alert which is quite difficult when you only get two hours of sleep. By the time I went to bed red eyed and heavily sedated, the birds were already outside chirping. It was a sure sign that the dawn was very close to bringing its glad tidings.
The weekend felt like it lasted for awhile. Long days of going out into neighborhoods, reflecting, rejoicing & time with friends. Right now I'm thinking about how someone yesterday morning asked if I found that a lot of my tests come from others in the [Baha'i] community than from my own self. I just shook my head and thought to myself that I perceived that most struggles came from battling my own preconceived notions and prejudices. Later on that night a particular situation came into being that now makes me think about that question again. I'm thinking a little more of how I may be a test for other people or how other people are tests for me. Sometimes the tests that other people bring aren't easily detected because the lessons learned don't just affect you, its more about how certain interactions affect others. The struggle is more succinctly described as adhering to the principle of Unity.
I typically consider myself as a person who tries to be in tune with group dynamics, but I'm finding (and this shouldn't be surprising) that I'm limited by my own conception of what actually makes a happy cohesive group. My social skills are sometimes inhibited by shyness or reservations toward interactions that are new or intimidating. Can holding out on inviting other people into your world due to an occasional personality quirk be at some point considered selfish? Maybe its more of a matter of intention and heart. If you try to open yourself up to others in a larger capacity than you did before, it counts just as much as actually "achieving" an ideal state where everyone becomes welcome.
Surely these things change, challenges come up, different audiences hold different needs. I can think of a few friends who seem to be an example of setting their sights toward Unity at all times. They're loving, they're inspiring, I'm grateful to have them in my life. I think as I get closer to going to Haifa, I feel like I need to make some quick adjustments in my attitudes and priorities. I know they'll continue to transform as the process goes on here, in Haifa and beyond. Bring on the learning.
