Revolution Internal

For those patiently waiting for updates from Haifa, should probably turn here: http://moodydotcom.com/blog/

If you've followed my blogs before you know that I have a habit of switching sites according to different periods of my life. Apologies to anyone who have actually tried to keep track. This may still continue functioning because I'm fond of my goldfish heading and of some of the people who frequent Vox, and I may find a good reason to have a second blog site, but for thoughts on living abroad, please refer to the above link :)

For some odd reason I thought that I escaped the effects of jet lag.  The first two days I arrived in Haifa, I was on a normal schedule, getting up around 9 and staying awake through the whole day.  As it got closer to the weekend, things changed. The other day I woke up at 6:04 AM like I have before except this time I couldn't get back to sleep.  I sprung out of bed, groggy and unsure of what I was doing until I looked out the window and saw that there was an amazing sunrise.  I grabbed my camera and, with fumbling fingers, started taking pictures around the flat to catch the skyline at different perspectives.  After deciding that it was enough, I prayed, washed dishes, ate breakfast, listened to music and then forced myself to go back to sleep three hours later.  It's usually during that small window of time where I find myself having the random dreams that I recall with a vague remembrance. 

Resting is so important, it's been great meeting a lot of new people, but I find socializing kind of tiring particularly when you're forming new social contacts.  Extending myself to others immediately is kind of a challenge.  I'm going to be here for 30 months and during that time there will be many people who come and go.  By the end of that time I'll either find myself reacting differently to opening myself to others or in a state of acceptance of what's always been true. People remark that when you work at the World Centre, you change a lot by the end.  From being here such a short time I can already see that.  It's a place where you come to serve in a way that is characterized by form and spirit.  The form differs according to your duties, but the spirit that is put into those acts of service should be one of joy and of efficiency.  Do what you can, while you can, and consequently, grow because of it.  It's up to the individual to learn to recognize and utilize those opportunities.

Didn't I say that resting is important?  It's time to prepare my mental state for bed.

I don't even know where to begin this narrative.  It's my 3rd full day in Haifa and I'm already on the beach with a faulty pen and book about a foreign correspondant in China.  I'm only a few hours behind Beijing, but I have no clue what's happening in the Olympics.  The TV in my large flat overlooking the city and the bay below is used only for DVDs.  Unimportant details.  I've visited Shrines, met new people (attempting not to be awkward and overwhelmed by the number of introductions), thought about my service here and the change that's bound to happen, partially through my own thoughts and partially through others who are experiencing the intense emotions of people and service coming and going. 

Surely, I'm getting aquainted with things and it feels to be quite quickly.  But thought I would throw out a small impression of things so far. More to come as things calm down, but...I made it!

It's almost 5 in the morning & I'm exhausted, although coming up to a "second wind" albeit a meager one.  I slept for about 30 minutes before resuming the tasks at hand.  I remember a friend of mine telling me not to worry about it and if there's stuff left, just leave it and they'll take care of it. My mind nitpicks at stuff like that.  It frets over little possessions and tries to push itself beyond its comfort zone. I'm at once trying to purge myself of many worldly possessions in a big way while preparing myself mentally and otherwise for a big move.  When you're not planning months and months ahead for that stuff, it takes a lot for a person like myself to push past those boundaries quick enough.  & so, by the end, I'm finally putting things in a box, and shoving things in bags without too much discernment. 

Now, things are at their completion.  I had an excellent day which combined both steady goal setting and socialization.  Although I wasn't able to see everyone I wanted to, I did see who I needed to put my mind at ease. Not to mention I heard from some people I haven't heard from in a long time. Needless to say, it's reaffirmed, I am loved.

I'll miss Minneapolis! Much love and greetings, signing off.

The Korean woman at the shop held up my foot and, pointing it toward the counter, giggled.  One of the other women doing nails laughed as well and they conversed rapidly back and forth.  I glanced at my mom as she held her hand over her mouth, smiling.  I looked at her and said, "Is it about my tan?" and smiled with her.  I was getting a pedicure this afternoon in a little shop near my mom's apartment.  We hung out most of the afternoon, eating & laughing.  I filled her in about the details of my trip and thought about ways I could prepare myself further.  I've been content all day, re-familiarizing and reflecting on life in my hometown.

There's a stack of things in Minneapolis waiting to be stored, one of my other tasks is to purge the things I've held onto at home.  Hurridly, I went through boxes and boxes of old drawings and journals, bad poetry, letters received from old friends all over the world, yearbooks, and other such mementos.  I told myself to let go of a lot of things.  Many of the words in those letters and journals I probably won't read again for reasons other than to think look what I used to do.

Right now I'm over memories, I'm extremely transfixed with the opening ceremony for the Beijing Games.  Being on the other side of the world, the ceremonies have of course, already happened.  But to see it anyway, is amazing.  A lot of the effects are possible because of the synchronized efforts of many people working together.  Perhaps after the ceremony is over I'll start to forget that the Olympics is happening amidst my move and transition into a new place, but for now, I will think about it fondly as an ideal symbol of many countries coming together. 

...or a really cool performance.

courtesy of the NY Times

It's finally raining, hard, after watching the looming clouds overhead for so long.  Although I can't feel it inside the apartment, the relief must surely bring down the humidity in the air.  For now I'll have to be content with the clammy feeling on my skin & the Foo Fighters plugged into my ears. After talking with a friend of mine we both realized that early next week I'll be moving away.  Some friends of mine were so kind to put together a going away party where I got to see a bunch of my friends get together and recognize my leaving.  I haven't had a big party for myself since 4th grade so I found myself anxious in anticipation, worrying that I should be doing something to prepare or ensure the satisfaction of my party goers. Needless to say, I had nothing to fret about and (surprise!) were self-sufficient in entertaining themselves just fine.  It was fun and I felt loved.  Not like I ever doubted.  

Because everyone's schedules are different, I've had a staggered set of goodbyes.  Certain ones have invoked me to go through a quick stage of release and recovery.  Carefully held back tears during the encounter,  a few streams afterward, a sense of acceptance, & walking away thinking about the next thing I have to accomplish during the day.  I predict it'll be like this over the next week. 

Sometimes it'd kind of hard.

I used to be a major groupie for one of the acts I saw tonight at a little place called the 7th Street Entry.  I still am, but a little bit more for the music rather than the personality.  At least that's what I tell myself these days.  His new band had mainly hip-hop electronica elements to it.  My love for these types of concerts is the same as when I went to my sister's band concerts when she was in middle school and high school. The draw is feeling the beat/melody permeate your body. Those types of currents extracts emotions and animates the soul.  The act that followed was also very amazing.  It played into my creative daydreams of "rocking hard" so to speak in some form of self-expression.  Lack of discipline or desire to refine those skills are prevalent.  Inability to make choices and commit can hinder important outlets or modes of thinking from developing.  Too many options to distract the mind and give little direction on their own.

There's a little idea that suggests that true freedom is actually through following laws and structures.  How can this be so?  People envision freedom and liberty as doing whatever you want, but not every choice will be beneficial or worthwhile. As I was telling a friend who's having the same problem, we often just end up feeling schizophrenic & disconnected from what's really a priority in our lives. So, at it's root, at least for tonight, self-expression comes out on top. 

Other things: I'm also learning that acting like a 12 year old can be fun (the other day my friend and I went to the comic book shop, had a battle with super soakers, bought ice cream from the ice cream truck and ordered pizza).

Old feelings can be harder to get rid of than first imagined.

& I think that I'm lucky to run into many people that I haven't seen in awhile or would like to see more of before making the big leap overseas.  Many people to love and to thank for helping create a wealth of positive and sometimes challenging influences on my life these past few years.

With the rest, I draw a blank.  It's almost 4:30 in the morning and my mind, although a little more open, is having trouble formulating sentences.  Another time.

When I think about the things I want to mentally keep or give away when I go to Haifa, I tend to become conflicted.
But maybe not as conflicted as this guy seems to be...

I'm a week into house sitting.  It's almost the weekend and soon I'll be back to my 'regular' routine.  Because I don't have a bike and it takes a lot of transfers to get over to my part of town, I've been hanging out a lot with the dog as well as myself. The past few days I've found myself sulking as I've thought about different parts of my life.  A lot of it has been to do with relationships. & I mean this in the general sense, my relationship to the things that are going on, with others, relationships that may need to be reconciled or let go.  Preparation for Haifa has so far been less about giving away physical things, and more about cleaning out mental blocks that have accrued over the years. I want to leave here with as little baggage as possible.  Some things are already starting to feel complete as I start to receive sincere smiles, goodbyes, and inquiries about what's next. It's coming together, I just pray for detachment and the ability to receive the next part of the journey with an empty cup.  

It's midnight and the bird clock in the kitchen calls twelve times. The picture indicates that it's the sound of a House Finch. I lay awkwardly on the couch by the front porch windows of an old house, one of the optimal positions for finding a working Wi-Fi connection. I have another 8 days of housesitting and during that time I'll have walked the dog many times, bused between here and my apartment another several, hot and dulled by the repetitive long trip across town. This place reminds me of my grandma's house in Ohio.  It's probably the smell of dark wood, the creaking steps, carpets and little perfumed soaps that produces memories. I don't know if I'll get to see her before I move to Israel in less than two months.  My schedule keeps getting more and more packed as time moves on.  I'm trying to experience a variety of things before I go, which I'm doing well at accomplishing, but sometimes the schedules & the time constraints are maddening.

IMG_0468

Friday was finally the last day of school for the kids.  That means my Americorps position as I knew it, is over.  I'm so close, but there's still hours left to finish & so I don't exactly feel the turning of a new era just yet. It was about time though, for this first year charter school to have a vacation. All of us are kind of burned out and ready to move on. This year was hard, yet rewarding.  I'm having a hard time formulating what those advantages and disadvantages are at the moment, but over time, when my mind turns to reflect on the things that have transpired in the summer months, I will have a clearer picture. 

This morning I ran into someone at the Dunn Bros who worked at the school periodically as a tech guy. We talked a little about our jobs, the busyness of life and nitpicked about education.  It was good to interact with at least one co worker outside of the job, albeit an accidental interaction between two people who are primarily employed through separate companies. Life is full, and now it's getting late.  Tomorrow I return to back to back obligations so I need to get everything in order....

when you let kids take photos